Who is Sue and what is Suelandia?

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Do they really have a lot of handbaskets in hell? Really?

Hey people.  I had pictured this summer going something like this-- I'd wake every morning to the sound of birdsong, and wander around on my deck in a crisp cotton robe gleefully sipping coffee while I contemplated how my day might unfold.  (Okay-- I don't actually have a robe like that, nor do I drink coffee.  This is similar to other fantasies about my life in which my entire kitchen is outfitted with wonderful IKEA cabinetry apparently.)  Sometimes in these visions I'd appear as Kermit The Frog, cheerfully strumming a banjo down by the river.

Basically-- carefree sunny days that stretch to the far horizon filled with nothing but idle time.  ~Slaps self~  What was I thinking??

Birds have been waking me every morning alright, mostly this insane cardinal who thinks it's arch nemesis lives in every reflective surface and continually attacks itself in all our windows, pecking and chirping loudly from about 5 a.m. on every day.

Also, my painting the shop cheery bright colors project?  Don't ask me why I thought it would take a couple of days, but I've been sanding old peeling paint off (apparently this is protocol) for about 5 days now and my friggin' arms are about ready to fall off!  I'm SO SORE.

I really can't complain.  My shop, after all, is one of those unexpected second life stories I love.  It was a garage in Minneapolis, built in 1934, before Dan dismantled it and resurrected it in our backyard.  He's worked TONS more than me on it, most recently putting a little retaining wall all around the outside where I can plant flowers.  The early bird may get the worm, but the late worm gets all their flowers for half off or better.  (Can't plant though, until it's painted-- ugh.)

I'm still going through my heavy literary phase.  In the car I've been listening to more Updike.  Holy crap is that guy dirty!  Good books, but wowza.  I was stopped at a red the other day and the main character was comparing his mistress's and wife's lady business.  Some woman in the crosswalk gave me this look and I realized probably everyone within 20 feet of my car could hear everything, all about these peoples pubes etc.  Gotta luv it though.  When he's not being super blunt about sex etc, he's trying to decide if people are more like big blood & oxygen circulating machines, or are "unique irreplaceable individuals, with souls breathed into them-- battle grounds for good and evil, apprentice angels."

At night I'm reading Joyce Carol Oates, and the wild girls of Foxfire "burn and burn" under the leadership of volatile, daring Legs Sadowski, played in my mind by Angelina Jolie in "Girl, Interrupted."  *Perfect mind casting* 

While working I've been getting back into John Sandford detective novels (listening), starring my book boyfriend-- the rugged, whip-smart Lucas Davenport.  Apparently, cops swear a lot when amongst themselves.  This has gotten me all sweary (okay- admittedly, I already am like this most of the time (when I'm by myself), but now I'm really on a tear.)  The other day I found myself gripping the pasta sauce in my fist and jamming my face right into the label, spittle flying, snarling, "Open muther fucker, or I'll smash you into the counter so hard they'll feel it all the way in Italy."

In real life me & Dan continue to, well, do our thing.  Here are some excerpts.

Me- ~Pant, struggle~
Him- "What are you doing?"
Me- ~Flinging my legs over top of his arms as he tries to fend me off~  "Dominating you completely with my mighty mighty legs.  You should rub them.  They're extra smooth tonight."
Him- "As they should be.  I expect them to be smooth at all times."
Me- "You ass."  ~More leg dominating~
Him- ~Tickles and pokes me into submission~  (Which really should be more difficult than it is, considering my crime fighting and all.)

Me- ~Crab, crab, small amount of almost yelling~
Him- "Don't make me come over there and pull down your pants and spank you."
Me- ~Dissolves in giggles, unable to keep being mad~

And one night, he pretended he was going to give me a nice hug and pants'd me, for reals (I was wearing boxers), so, sorry neighbors if you happened to be looking out your windows or were in your driveway or anything.

This post is kind of all over the place, because so am I right now.  All of a sudden I have a million commitments, many, if not fun, are at least enjoyable (work related), but man, I feel SO SWAMPED!
I'm having to back pedal on all kinds of tentative plans I made for this summer.
One thing that's happening real quick and moving my clock up fast is Sis and the kids coming to visit.  I have lined up a couple kid bikes for them-- this one for Jaden-- We're hoping he just goes with it.  Hell, half the time he's wearing his sister's tutu and singing Avril Levine songs and playing Barbie's anyway.  I have offered to paint the frame any color he wants.  (Hey-- it was a free bike.)
And this one for Meg-- The Super Awesome Rad Power Bike.  I actually love this thing and ride it around the driveway.  Hopefully it's Awesome Radness won't be wasted on her.

Sorry this post was so spaztastic.  My brain is just going a million directions right now.  I have so much stuff to do it's not even funny-- like-- clean my whole house for one.  Those of you who know me know what a monumental undertaking this is for me.  ~Akk!~  ~Gah!~  ~Spazing!~

Hopefully next time I check in the land will be a little more under control.  I have, like, a hundred other things to tell you about like the amazing book my pal Linda made me for my birthday, and I have a whole cool "old pics of my mom" post w/ stories etc, and the further adventures of Penny, but, it's all just a big jumble right now.


irishk said...

You do sound a bit frazzled, but it's nice to know that you are still being "pantsed" by your partner. I would imagine your neighbors would appreciate this sort of wildlife watching if they happened to observe at that moment ~ the Seegers romping about like a couple of otters at play. I was once mowing the lawn on a very hot humid day wearing one of those little elastic tube tops. Little did I know that it had worked its way below my not so ample bosoms and the little girls were bobbing about, white as can be, happy to be free, and reaching for the sunlight. It only came to my attention when I noticed a car driving by the street for the 4th time. Oh well, we all have our brushes with exhibitionism. I think I'll have to reaquaint myself with Updike. Perhaps he was the originator of these groups that have women examine their "business" with mirrors to get in touch with their femaleness. I think I would rather go to a Tupperware party and that is saying quite a bit. Good luck with all your company and preparation. It's all good.

pseudosu said...

Dan confessed he almost mowed down a row of mailboxes one time when a lady was doing her yard work in a bikini once. God knows what could have happened had he witnessed your incident!

JKB said...

I think you are ROCKING AND ROLLING and I love it.

It's how you function best, IMO. We are so alike that way.


And I covet that bike. If appropriate ZOMG-ness is not displayed, you're sending to me, kk?


Anonymous said...

The Super Awesome Rad Power Bike is surely super and awesome and rad and most likely full of power.

After reading your first sentence I was going to write that song birds wake me every morning that my kid does not. Then I read on. I like song birds. In Theory.

I haven't been pantsed since high school. I think it would be more fun if my wife did it to me rather than upper classmen.


Kari Lynn Dell said...

There is a town in Montana called Helena. And there is a gift and flower shop in that town called Helena Handbasket. Just thought you should know.

pseudosu said...

Sorry hon. It's staying reicht heeya.

Yeah, and it helps when the whole school isn't pointing and laughing too... ;)

LUV it! What a genius name! Helena is the capital right?

Linda G. said...

A million different directions, but always fun! :)

And now I wanna visit Helena Handbasket.

Maery Rose said...

Your fantasy sounds a lot like mine. Reality is pouring coffee into thermo mug and guzzling on way to work while eating peanut butter on toast and trying not to make a total mess in the car. I've never been able to take Updike but I have had some tapes that I've made sure to turn down whilst at stop lights. I should try doing the opposite some time. Might be interesting.