Who is Sue and what is Suelandia?

Monday, September 13, 2010

Hairdentity crisis #.... 87 ??

Hey people.  About a week and a half ago I was once again in funky town, and not in a good way.  I was PMS-ing big time and it was SO tin foil beanie time around Suelandia.  Hormones.  They are awesome.  Not.

Anyway, one night I was feeling so inept, stupid, talentless and ugly I just stood up and announced, "I'm going to go to bed (this was at, like 7 pm)-- I just feel so shmoopy."  Dan, long-suffering survivor of countless tin foil beanie drills, didn't roll his eyes or look impatient, he just asked, "How?" as if shmoopiness was an ordinary affliction, and he needed only to determine the extent of it to gauge a proper response.

Me- (kind of whiny) "Well, let's see--- I'm FAT, have a dumb, saggy, ugly face, and stupid hair, for starters."
(When I'm like this, I get really toxically mean to myself.  Not sure what is up with that.)
Him-- "Awe, come here."  At which point he rose (having to set his beverage down and everything), and hugged and kissed me (like, at length) and said, "I think you're beautiful."

Okay- sorry, those of you I just made barf all over your keyboards.  I should have issued a sappiness warning.  Two of my gal pals I related this story to actually burst into tears.  (Men-- take note:  This didn't cost him a dime, and has won him MAJOR husband points for at least the next six months.)

Another symptom of shmoopiness is the sudden certainty, that changing my hair will drastically improve the quality of my life.  It has, in the past, led to drastic and nearly tragic home hair cuts.  Luckily this time I resisted the urge.  But here's how it panned-out.

A girl I met (a friend of a friend's daughter, who is probably the most distractingly beautiful person I've ever seen in real life, not even airbrushed or anything, and is also nice and very smart so you can't even hate her) asked me if anyone ever told me I look like Kate Bush, assuring me this was a compliment.  I of course, narcissistic ass that I am, looked her up online immediately.  "Um... thanks?"  Kind of get it, that this is maybe my "look", which is sort of troubling since it's circa 1982, when I graduated high school.  Yipes.  Time for a change?  Again?

Another friend sent me this in the mail, just coincidentally.  She didn't even know of my perfect hair mission.  The colors do look cool.  Will have to keep in mind the next time I go all colorful.

I actually had this hair for a while-- but with more shades of red and blond mixed in.  I called it "the atomic fireball".  This was when I was in my mid-thirties, felt exhausted by what seemed like an endless search for "the real me", and was, let's just say it-- fat.  (Trust me, I was.)  The hair was spunky, but I was just faking it.  Or trying to. 

I tried this for a while on the way to growing it out.  To make mine look like this I have to iron each piece, and pray for low humidity and no wind.  Needless to say, I could count the good hair days on my fingers.

Then I got this idea-- kind of wild-- longer on one side than the other, and really short, except in the back where it could sort of explode out into something like the back end of a fancy chicken.  This lasted about 4 weeks as I quickly discovered I needed some kind of scaffolding to make the back do what it was supposed to.  Mine just looked partially cut, like perhaps I'd fled the salon, or was a mental patient.

Then I "got real" and opted for this do.  She looks like she's posing for a mug shot.  "Yeah, I have frizzy hair.  Wanna make somethin' of it punk?  DO YA?"

Recently when I searched online for perfect Suehair, I was drawn to this pic.  Hmm.  Looks amazingly like the one above, but with more smooth bouncy hair doesn't it?  And the same sort of smart alecky expression.  Not sure what to make of this.  But I'm sure it's indicative of some attitude problem. 

Here's me last winter, on an obviously humidity-free day, with the blue hair streak.  (I know, that turtleneck is a good power-eyes top for me!)  I was anxious to try to grow my hair longer, sure by summer I'd have lovely flowing Sheryl Crow hair.

In all fairness--- I'm pretty sure this woman has an entire team of professionals that expertly wind each curl around varying sizes of curling irons before she goes anywhere.  Let's just say-- it hasn't happened.  Kate Bush hair, is what has happened.

And really, not even.  It didn't get all that much longer, and usually looks way more rat's nesty.  And, as I'm coming to realize, like I've been flung into the 80's.  (?)

I think next time I get it cut, I'll revisit this attempt.  What do you guys think???

I'm mostly recovered now, from my spate of self-loathing.  Now I've moved on to the phase where I berate myself for being so vain and superficial and self-absorbed.  Ahh.  Progress.

The art is coming along, and it's been gorgeous out and I've started running again in the mornings.  Life really is pretty danged good.  Next time I'll be over my hair obsession and post art pics.  Swear!  Really!

7 comments:

Linda G. said...

Okay, Dan gets this week's World's Best Hubs award. :)

And don't even get me started on hair. I haven't really liked mine since...well, there was this one time, when I was sixteen...yeah, I'm pretty sure I liked it for a day or two then. ;)

Maery Rose said...

Boy can I identify with this! I don't know how many varieties of hair styles I've been through in the past 4 years trying to make my hair express something I wanted to be but could never quite pull off. I think you already have the mischievous, wild woman look down in your eyes and smile. Oh yes, and Dan is a god!

irishk said...

Seriously...do you even dare to open this topic for comments?! First of all, it amazes me to hear you speak of ever being so down on yourself, because from the outside looking in, you are envied for your talent, your humor and your cool spirit. But then I guess that is what makes us all sisters, is that inner voice that doubts and relates. I so relate to your belief that changing one's hair will drastically improve the quality of one's life. "If I only had great hair, my legs would appear 4 inches longer. I could do back flips across town. I would have the singing voice of an angel. And gosh darn it, I could create world peace." It just seems like Nirvana to even entertain the notion of great hair in my world of pubic-hair-on-head-mix-up. I frighten small children. I mystify hair stylists. Even forest creatures cock their heads in amusement. Sue, I actually think your hair is cool. The styles you show are very workable. I love your comment about looking like you fled the salon with your uneven do. LOL! I think that "uneven strings" look is you though. Someday, someone will create a book at salons for women with "challenging" hair. Until then, I will celebrate the jaw-clip and keep telling people I just got done with a bike ride and it really messed with my hair:-) Kathleen

courtney said...

Aw, I'm glad the spate of self-loathing is over. Those days can be ROUGH. But everybody has 'em. I also know what it's like to need something NEW! I think revisiting the last photo would be awesome. Hair always looks great and face it, Sue! Your default setting is ~awesome~ so it's gonna look great no matter what. :)

pseudosu said...

Linda--
I don't know, that cute witch hair looked pretty foxy. ;)

Maery--
Thanks hon. I'm trying to think that way, about my expressions rather than my physical features showing who i am. That's more healthy anyway. :)

Kathleen--
Now that you mention it, if my legs were 4" longer, i bet that WOULD really be a game changer. Hmm... Hahaha. I think you look awesome with your hair clipped up. ~You ROCK the jaw clips!~ Maybe I should get me one of those... By the way, I love having the bike helmet excuse. The actual bike helmet is often better than the hair anyway.

Courtney-
Yes, we all ~go there~ don't we? To the bad place. Not good, but, very humanizing I guess. I like to think by showing everyone my psychological underwear it's unifying somehow, like, makes us empathize better or whatever. :) Thanks bb!

Amy said...

Ah, the Dreaded Shmoopiness. I have been there many a time. I'm glad it's passed.

I get my hair completely overhauled every 3-5 months: I have a fabulously creative hairdresser who finds huge satisfaction in inventing new cuts just for my strangely shaped head. (She also, bless her, refuses to perform cuts that will make me look like buckwheat after a rainstorm no matter how nice the pic looks, and this stubbornness has saved me more than once.)

Boo on hormones, but yay for the occasional drastic change. :)

pseudosu said...

Amy--
Oh, I am SO JEALOUS! My hair gal is super sweet, but not an adventurer. I have to come up with the wild ideas on my own. I used to have this really cool off the wall chick, but only briefly. She gave me this really choppy rocked-out cut one time by holding all my hair up over my head and hacking away. Managed to make it look really cool, then quit to go be some band's tour hair person. Figures. : /