Hey people. Wow- the big night is here. (And the party starts at 5:00 people, not 6 like I said before.)
It's so weird. It sounds so *made up*, me saying, "Tonight my solo show opens at the gallery," like-- *she said, taking another heaping mound of caviar and stroking her ocelot.* Then again, lots of things about my life seem unreal at times.
I am a welder, an artist, a mountain biker (now I feel I can say that because it's become pretty central to maintaining my equilibrium)... there are a bunch of labels that describe me, but sometimes there's a disconnect. When I'm making the art, all by myself, and welding etc working very hard, I don't think about it. I'm just *working*. When I show up to these things where other people are checking stuff out and it's like-- "Her, over there, that's *the artist*" it feels kind of weird, like I want to say, "Oh, no, not me, not really."
It feels wonderful, of course, having people admiring what I've done and validating me. There's just this tiny part of me that's worried someone will catch on and out me.
"You guys! I spied on her one day and saw how she does all this--- all she REALLY does is listen to books on tape all day or jam-out with her iPod splotching paint randomly on stuff and welding stuff together. She just makes up whatever she wants. It's all just imaginary!"
So as of now all my work is done. (Until a week from now when I madly start getting ready for the next show.) Today my big job is to moisturize and exfoliate, get dressed-up, and go to the opening prepared to greet and visit with all the guests. (There might have to be a quick ride in there though to keep me sane.)
I'm sticking to my guns on the jeans. I gave Dan a preview of my outfit last night and he was less than enthusiastic. He thought my jacket, that has a few ruffles on it looked "colonial", and my sequined t-shirt looked "attention-getting", and my scarf? -- "weird." Well, what does he know? He wears Dickies every day and his dead grandpa's button front shirts from the 70's to work.
Hopefully I won't look back on this outfit as another ~fail~. Time will tell. I'm super pumped about the friends who've said they're coming. That always helps me to feel more normal. ~Nervous~