Hey people. If you are someone already brimming with holiday good cheer, have never lost your shit and completely spazzed-out over something dumb, or have a huge problem with a little profanity, you should probably just tune-out right now. For those of you sticking around-- there is an adorable cat picture a little ways down. :)
Here's the latest pic of my now completely sterile kitchen. Yes, I now make anyone entering wear these suits so that I never in my life have to clean it this thoroughly again. (My mom read that post and nearly burst with pride btw. She even printed it out to show my grandma. See??? In our family this is not a sign of an impending mental breakdown, but cause for celebration that at long last I've *come around*.) ~Runs screaming as my mom and grandma chase me flexing their rubber gloved fingers chanting "one of us, one of us..."~
The hoards and shuffling masses of people there with us Sat probably have no idea how close they came to making my head actually explode. Seriously people? Stop and go traffic? On foot??? How about standing around in slack-jawed bewilderment OFF TO THE SIDE??? ~sheesh!~
A few hours later we were home with our *new bathroom*, and just had to unbox and assemble it. It was 2:30, and I saw no reason we couldn't be completely done by 6:00. Well...
If it seems like I was a little irritable in Ikea, it's probably because I was still recovering from my first melt-down of the holiday season. I hate this time of year people. I've always had an irrational aversion to family gatherings, and our family also has a couple birthdays thrown into the mix this time of year, plus Dan's mom has *alternate* holidays, meaning there is no missing one or possibly squeezing 2 into one day for a 2-fer. It means DUPLICATE holidays. For every single holiday. ~boo~
Seeing my calendar choked with dumb holiday stuff causes me to feel a lot of anxiety, like those spies on t.v. in the 70's who'd find themselves in a little room with the walls beginning to close in. The gross consumerism "black friday" etc aspect of it all makes me just want to barf, and the other religious part of it just reads as piety to me. I don't get into it. This makes people look at me like this--
So I was folding towels the other night, (because I am officially becoming my mother) (Sure mom, you're pleased about this now maybe (if the warning at the beginning didn't deter you that is), but just keep reading. heh heh heh)-- anyway, I was folding towels and ranting about all the *stupid fucking holiday stuff* I'd have to do, and getting more and more worked up about it all, all the dumb ads on t.v., all the pressure to create some fake, sappy, holidayishness.
Dan was sitting on the sofa dutifully nodding, his eyes flicking from the t.v. to me every once in a while, as I strangled towels in what had become a death grip. I can't even remember what I was really talking about because my anger wasn't focused on any one thing really, just ~*THE HOLIDAYS*~ approaching like a giant asteroid.
I wound-up taking off my pants because I'd gotten too hot, and stomped around the house yelling stuff like, "That's right Elk River-- they're purple-- DEAL WITH IT!" and a bunch of eff-bombs were dropped in every possible iteration-- --ing, --ingly, --ity, --wad, --bag, --tarded, etc etc.
Eventually I blew myself-out, and Dan calmed me down by smashing me a little. We go together like traffic and weather. Guess who's weather.
(Another sign of my probable craziness is that I've always found it really calming for him to press his hand right into the center of my chest. Something about the compression is very soothing.) And we talked, and he wisely told me to-- hello??? eliminate a couple things form my schedule. And I did-- and hey-- the world didn't explode.
Okay-- Ray doesn't really have much to do with this story, but kitties really calm me down too. See how cute???
To her credit, this was the first year ever mom didn't do any of this. I told her about the losing my shit and pantsless ranting and rampant swearing and she actually thought it was pretty funny and said, "Wow-- you ARE officially becoming me."
Then she just made me my favorite meal in the whole world-- cheese souffle, and did not lecture me at all except to advise me that I really shouldn't share all my misanthropic views on this here blog because I'd offend everyone in the whole world essentially. (Isn't she cute?)