Who is Sue and what is Suelandia?

Sunday, May 29, 2011

I've decided to spend one more year in the MID forties...

Hey people.  It's my Birthday this week and I'll be 47, which I think can still technically be considered the MID forties.  Next year I'll merge into the *mid-to-late* forties.  Because you know what's awesome about getting older?  This--

When I was little, I got this book.  It became one of my very favorites.

It was about this kid who got whisked away by this magic bird for his birthday.  They had a fantastical day of hedonism.  It was BEYOND imagining.  Nothing, it seemed, was off the table.  This struck quite a chord in me, sort of stretched the boundaries of my expectations.  Even now as an adult, knowing what is and isn't possible (sort of), I still really enjoy daydreaming about the fantastical ideal, about over the top, and way too much being the perfect amount.
So welcome to the birthday of my imagining, where nothing is impossible or out of bounds.

First, I'll wake up in the morning and have magically sprouted long, shapely, and tanned legs, also my hair will have become unbelievably thick and shiny.  I know these are shallow things, but it is my birthday so ~tough noogies~.  Just go with it.  I now bear a remarkable resemblance to her:

Dan has spared no expense, and gotten me a magic outfit, that morphs into different variations depending on what I'm doing.  (I actually found this online, and told him this is what I wanted-- even in this fantasy, he'd need a bit of help picking out a gift for me.)  All I have to do is think of it, and ~bliing~---  This,

Becomes this.  I of course immediately tell all my friends about the amazing deal I found on this outfit and they all run out and get the same thing, but the outfits know to not change over into the exact same thing on every person, so we are always dressed in unique clothes that look a-m-a-z-i-n-g on us.

All my friends come over wearing fancy dresses and hats etc at first and we all strut around doing pony/ runway model walks and tell each other how fabulous we look for about ten minutes,

Then we get down to partying. 

After we lie around in the sun for a while laughing and telling funny stories and off-color jokes, a bunch of masseuses show up and rub us all thoroughly.  After that, a bunch of attractive waiters bring us drinks and treats, and make it clear by their facial expressions and mannerisms that they think we are all completely smokin' hot, and it would be so on, if they weren't all way too young to interest us.  They of course keep it professional though.  Hard as it must be for them.

There are over sixty kinds of chocolate cake to sample, and none of it is fattening at all.  There is some special ingredient in it that allows us to eat all we want of it, without getting that gross *too full* feeling.

After we've eaten and drank all we want, and have grown weary of all the hot waiters fawning over us, the animals begin to arrive.  Bushels of adorable puppies,

Kitties so cute you could honestly ~die~ of cuteosterone poisoning.

Even bunnies, some wearing little sundresses.  They all want to be cuddled and petted & played with.  Our clothes morph into ~play clothes~ and we romp around and roll on the ground and the super adorable animals snuggle all over us, but miraculously don't shed or poo or drool or do anything the least bit objectionable.  When we've had our fill of them, they all just curl up and go to sleep, and their keepers take them away to their happy homes.

Then we all hop on our sweet bikes and race off towards a big adventure.  We all feel pumped and excited and we ride like the wind, whooping and dinging out bells. 

We find a mysterious trail going into a beautiful woods.  There are no bugs and of course no snakes, because President Obama, in honor of my birthday, has outlawed snakes, and the national guard has erradicated them from the continental U.S. 

We find cool rock formations and caves to explore.  We don't get tired at all because we're having so much fun and it's all so exciting, plus, since it's my birthday, time has warped, so the day is as long as we want it to be.

After a while we get to this shallow river that flows through a gorgeous rocky canyon.  We ditch the bikes and hike through the pleasantly warm water.  Around every bend is a scene more beautiful than the one before, and we find cool rocky formations to climb around on and explore.

The canyon opens up to this amazing series of pools, fed by this waterfall, that you can walk around underneath.  The water feels great, and there are places along the rim of the canyon where you can climb up and jump into deep pools and be perfectly safe.  There are also these spongy, mossy areas along the sides where we can lounge around.

Some how our hair manages to look awesome, even with all the swimming and leaping from cliffs into lagoons etc.  Magically, the adoring hot waiters have found us, and resume serving us frosty drinks and heaps of chocolate cake, assorted pies, and whatever flavors we can think of, of homemade ice cream they cheerfully churn by hand for us.

At the end of the day, which has lasted about a week, we finish off with hiking and biking back, feeling refreshed, satisfied, and incredibly happy.

Aren't you guys glad I invited you?

In real life my sister is coming for a visit ON my birthday (the best gift ever) for two weeks, and the day before is the second ~ladies night~ event at the trail, which promises to be amazingly awesome, with free wine & snacks after our ride, and free massages.  Yep, life in Suelandia is pretty sweet.


Anonymous said...

Best party ever!

b_elliott said...

Oh, I would so love to come to that party. How amazing that would be. Have fun with your Sis!!!

pseudosu said...

T-- yup. ;)

You would for SURE be on the guest list!!

Maery Rose said...

It all sounds doable to me. I'll be there! Or at least I'll be at Hillside on Tuesday with my new bike. Wheee!

Jill said...

My kind of birthday party! Hope you have a great one!

irishk said...

I don't think this is a stretch at all!! And I already know the perfect gift to bring:-) ~no boundaries~ Awesome idea for a birthday party!

Lynn Fisher said...

Oh man...you can SO plan a rock'n partay.
That was amazingly nice of Obama to do that anti-snake thing. You may owe him a weekend of re-election phone calling.