Who is Sue and what is Suelandia?

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

It's time for my metaphysical

Hey people.  So... lot's of mortality going down right now.  It's weird, because, much as we like to live in suspended disbelief, this is always going on.  Yes, right now, every moment.

It makes one pause.  Which I suppose is the point, assuming there is one.  I hesitate to express all my thoughts about this for fear of making anyone feel bad.  I myself am not grieving right now.  But nothing I have to say has a hurtful intention behind it, so...

When my sister was here we got into a couple of talks about this.  She was hesitant to talk about *what happens after you die* because, as she said, "No one really knows, so why speculate?"  I was, of course, aghast at her incuriousness, but it was another of those astonishing moments when I realized-- not everyone thinks like me!  Isn't life wonderful & amazing?

Somehow during this conversation we got on this tangent where since I am older and have no children, it's likely to be her who's there with me at *the end*.  She agreed to help me think of funny things to write on my body with a sharpie like, "Stop looking at my butt" etc, and even to write them if I couldn't.  Of course this is vastly more funny if you imagine some unknown med student encountering this graffiti.  "These boobs were really something once.   What?-- They WERE."

As I write this, I realise I could have all kinds of fun with her at this time, like telling her made-up things about the after life as I stare dramatically into *the great beyond*.  "You'll never believe this Katie-- everyone here gets their own unicorn to ride around on!-- Just kidding!  No-- but really-- everything is made of chocolate!  Okay, not really..."

I guess the main thing I think of, when I think about death, is that it's not the end.  I'm not religious, but this is something I really believe in my core-- that we're all permanent, it's just our bodies, and this place, that aren't.  Sometimes that makes it hard for me to take things super seriously.  It's not like anyone's getting out alive, and really, nothing we do here is all that super important.

So what's the point?  I guess, as far as I can figure out for myself, it's to make your connections meaningful ones.  Meaningful to you, and to those you care about.  We matter to the people who love us.  It's important to let the people you care about know how you feel about them, that you see them, that knowing them makes a difference to you.

Won't everyone figure all this out after we're all wherever we go when we're done here?  And presumably (maybe) we all become some kind of all-knowing spiritual beings, riding unicorns and eating unlimited quantities of chocolate?  Yeah, probably, but really, if there's going to be a point to your life here, you could do worse right?  Because when it's all said and done, no one is going to care or remember how clean your house was, or what you did for a job etc etc. 

All this sounds very rational and detached doesn't it?  That's how I usually feel about it-- but there are nerve endings that get jolted every once in a while, because I think that's part of being here too-- feeling that heartbreaking, tearing feeling, to keep us plugged in to this life-- make us feel a sense of immediacy and urgency, and loss.  To make us stop and assess what we still have, or appreciate what we had. 

I get this way a lot with animals, oddly.  When I see a bunch of dumb geese wandering onto the highway my throat closes-up and I'll spend the next hour being horrified and on the verge of tears, even though rational me has no attachment to the geese, and knows they're made of indestructible energy just like the rest of us (and feathers etc) (haha).

I feel so sorry for my friends who are in grief right now.  I think feelings like this are supposed to make us all appreciate each other more somehow.  But as my sister wisely observed, "It's not like anyone knows for sure."

All I do know, is I'm going to try to let everyone I care about, feel that from me-- that I do care about them, and hope for the best, and keep trying to think of funny things to write on myself when the time comes. 

8 comments:

Maery Rose said...

Everyone might not think like you but many of us do. I was writing something today where I came to the conclusion that you don't get to die until you have finished what you were sent here to do. So in this case, procrastination is a good thing. Am I not right? Huh?

I really do like your marker idea. If you are down as an organ donor, you could write something about this "liver has been through living hell!" I'm sure you can come up with some good ones.

strugglingwriter said...

This is the type of stuff that used to pop into my mind in the middle of the night when I was up with my kids. Makes it really difficult to get back to sleep, actually.

I don't know what the point to all of this is. My goal is to leave this place just a little bit better than when I got here. Yeah, not really succeeding on that point yet. But I have time (I hope).

pseudosu said...

Maery-
I could just chronicle all my scars and write "factory tested" really big somewhere... I guess I don't believe we really have an assignment/mission here. I just think if we don't try to make the most of our life, we're missing-out. But I don't think there's any other *penalty* for this. (just my op) :)

Paul-
I doubt very much you're *behind* on making a positive impact. But you're here as of today, so no, not too late at all. :)

Maery Rose said...

Sue, that was a joke. If I had a mission, it has gone horribly awry so screw it.

irishk said...

Well I have wrestled with this since I was 6 years old and still have no answers, so I don't suppose I ever will. My thoughts have tended to evolve over the years of living on this planet, but still no resolution. I had a very close friend die about 10 years ago and we had promised each other that whoever went first would send a clear signal to the other that they were still 'present'. I have gotten nothing. I know I could be missing something, but I am pretty plugged in, so I don't think I am. That just makes me sad, so I still search for other possibilities. Memories have energy, because they change the way you feel in the moment of recollection, so maybe it is as simple as that. We live on through the memories we leave with those we love and that energy continues to have power. It's a conversation I love and you are right, we all have our own unique thoughts on the subject ~ but sharing is good:-) I told you, I will help write on your body in the parts you might not be able to reach. Now that's a true friend:-)

QiCathy said...

Thank you Sue. I also feel that thinking fond thoughts about those people who are in our lives even though we may not see them connects us to them. Everything isn't in the physical and since we are all very connected, simply thinking loving thoughts about those we love does send a beautiful vibe to them. They may not consciously know it is there but somewhere inside they feel it.

pseudosu said...

Maery-
Could have fooled me-- I thought your mission was to be awesome! :)

Kathleen-
Yes, I'm almost looking forward to that session, you, my sister, whoever else I'm close to and is up for it, all trying to write witty things all over my dog suit just before I take it off. Also, if I go first, just so we're clear, my *sign* to you will be occasional silent pauses. ;)

Cathy--
I can't tell you how many times I think of you. I just get a picture in my head of your smiling wonderful face and feel very good. I hope the vibes reach you too. :)

Maery Rose said...

This conversation reminde me of the song by Rosanne Cash "Like a Wave":

"you are still writing your lives
but I will not open my eyes
I gave my love and it rolls like waves
back through my history"