Here's a shot of a new plant we stuck in this year that finally bloomed. It's kind of out of the box for me, but Dan liked it and I have to say it's pretty cool looking-- almost impossibly bright. I love how nature puts colors together. I'd never have put eggplant with orange and red, but there ya go. Stunning. Good lesson-- stay open.
I remember thinking, "Now I guess we'll become one of those couples, who have a marriage held together by grim determination," and it made me so sad, because of the impending loneliness. Because when you are married there is a specific place in your life reserved for that one person, and if there gets to be an empty space there, for whatever reason, and you are still married, (as I always will be), it is inappropriate to try to fill that spot with anything or anyone else. It stays empty until that person comes back to occupy it. That leaves a rather noticeable, ragged hole in your life.
Lucky for us, we figured everything out in about a day, and went back to being ourselves, maybe a little more appreciative even, than we were before the fight. All this is hard, and not always fun, but it's what we signed-up for. I can look at him and project into the far future-- one of us will die in the other's presence probably. One of us may have to take care physically of the other, to watch and wait. It's part of it all--- that commitment. That's the deal. And I'm fine with it. It's worth it.
That make me do this---
Today I went over determined to ride the entire trail no matter how long it took or how much I sucked. It took me longer than it had been before my hiatus, and I didn't *make* everything, but then again I did make some challenging stuff, and it was fun. I had to change my approach---- I can't ride for a best lap time right now-- it's just not practical and will only make me feel like a failure. I had to allow myself to go into some wuss gears in order to make some climbs--- get over it-- this ain't the Olympics.
I made a choice I still want this activity in my life, and I'll do it in whatever capacity I'm able. I made a choice to push a little, put in the work needed to regain some of the ground I've lost, but also to be okay with maybe never being a total all-star at this. I can be good enough at it to have fun at it though. Choices.
What are some choices you guys have made lately? Even if things are hard, or involve some pain, would you make the same choice? Do you even look at your life in this way--- full of choices you make?