Dan was a zombie. Zombies are all the rage now. What is sort of funny about that to me, is that although none of us look like we're decaying, we all do have an expiration date, and the clock is ticking. We're all marching closer and closer to our mortality, it's just a matter of if you look at it as being busy dying, or busy living.
About a week ago I noticed my hands are getting numb quite often. I have problems with them when I work a lot. They'll cramp up when I ride, for example, and there is a tremor condition that runs in my family so sometimes they shake. The numb thing is sort of new though. Of course the idea popped into my head-- "What if I have some horrible disease like ALS?!" and I went through this whole scenario of what I would do if that were the case before actually googling the symptoms and finding them to be nothing like what I am experiencing. (Whew on that.)
Still it was a good little scare-- a good exercise. We should all step back and look at how we're really spending our time once in a while. If you got a devastating diagnosis--- "You have a disease that will begin inexorably wearing away your physical self in a year, and you WILL BE DEAD in 3 to 5 years"-- What would you do?
Here's what I came up with:
I would for sure spend a lot of time with my friends. This is something I already do, but I'd make more of a point of it, instead of trying to *fit it in* around work etc. I'd want them to have a good time with me though, not be all bummed I was dying. At first I thought I'd not tell them, but then there would be this vibe of disingenuousness in the air, and that would taint those relationships.
I'd want to have adventures, but I enjoy that kind of thing now, so I guess I'd just be more appreciative of them, and purposeful about arranging them.
I'd keep working at the trail. It might seem dumb to spend what limited time I'd have left blowing leaves off a mountain bike trail and shoveling dirt, especially since nothing we do over there is a permanent fix, but I would. I enjoy it, and feel helping that park is important to me.
I for some reason thought of getting a dog, because then Dan would have a pal around after I checked-out (which I'd arrange btw-- I wouldn't let things get to the nursing home/ventilator stage), but then I thought better of it. The best thing I could leave him would be the opportunity for a fresh start. He wouldn't need any reminders of what we'd had. It would be part of his DNA.
I'd work on the most frustrating relationship of my life, and try to get that sorted out so that person could get some closure if nothing else.
So now I have some guideposts-- or more accurately have been reminded of them. I feel lucky to be able to just do something like this as a little refocusing excersize, without having do actually deal with such a horrible disease.
So what about you guys? What would you change or keep the same?