Who is Sue and what is Suelandia?

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Existentially yours, -Me

Hey people.  Dan and I enjoyed our one Christmas ritual last night-- watching "It's a wonderful life" on regular broadcast t.v.  I don't know how many times I've seen this movie-- tons, but I always notice something different each time.  This time the passion sort of resonated. 

 There's this one scene where his life as he had planned it is kind of going to crap, he learns he's probably doomed to stay in his little home town and run the building and loan instead of traveling the world and going to college.  He's always been drawn to Mary, even though he doesn't want to be, because he doesn't want to be ~that guy~, he wants to be un-tied-down world traveler guy.  When he finally cracks and caves in to his attraction, he's equal parts frustrated, pissed, and attracted.  It's pretty complex, and very passionate.

Every time he kisses her in the movie, he kisses the crap out of her.  It's pretty awesome.

Had a fail this week.  I've been working on a new design-- little tree houses that light up from inside with flameless candles.  First the steel is being really stubborn about rusting.  This sometimes happens.  Dan tried to help by sanding and applying muratic acid, but all that did was make the steel under the thin layer of surface rust that flakes off when I cut it SUPER silver and shiny.  This continues to be a pain.

Next is the scale of the house-- don't like.  It got a little big.  Also I thought I'd like them covered with pages from an old atlas I found, but-- semi-fail.  

I like the roof with a map on it, but I decided I'd like the walls better in a solid color.  The floor could still look cool with text as a contrast.  The door is totally off scale-- yuck.

My hands have been giving me big problems.  I've been trying to figure out why they are so numb.  I know it is a nerve thing not a circulation issue.  I know my watch was beating my wrist to death when I'd ride this summer but I'd never remember until it was happening, and I wore a ton of bracelets on that arm too and sometimes they'd hike up and get tight.  But last night I was working with some pliers and this little explosion went off in my thumb joint that sent little zingy pulses up my arm and down my fingers---- it's the work.

I know there is a surgery for carpal tunnel, but I don't have pain (so far), and I know nerves, like bones, can repair themselves if they don't become severely damaged.  I guess I'm looking at this like I do a lot of things in my life-- existentially.  It's a redirection.  I've known for a long time I don't work in a sustainable way, and have been making plans to change things up.  This just confirms that I need to do that.

I'm shooting for finishing up commissions and clearing my calendar for Feb & March to rest my hands and finish my graphics classes and get new idea underway.  Stay tuned.

In other SueNews-- If you are a guy do us both a favor and quit reading now.  The rest is ~lady stuff~ you do not want to know about.  Go away anyone who doesn't want to hear about this.  See you next time.  :)

Okay-- If you are still reading, it's about to get pretty real.
Omg you guys!  I have been in total agony!  The following are pics of things that  might possibly be lodged in my uterus, according to how it feels:

Metal death ball...
Leggo baby, (sort of borg-like)...

Glass, metal, fiberglass & stale Dorito superstructure of doom...

I'm told things get pretty interesting when the old baby factory begins to shut down, but holy effing crap!  It is RIDICULOUS around here.  Seriously-- if this was pioneer days I would have for sure been sent into the wilderness to be eaten by bears by now.  Actually, I would have probably flung myself at the bears hoping to be devoured, only to have them flee in terror from the crazy woman making guttural pain noises, gushing buckets of gore from her nether-regions.  I'm semi-functional about half my life at this point.  I seriously get about a week or week and a half of *normal* before the crap begins again and goes for 2 or 3 weeks. 

Yes, I am finally breaking down and going to the doctor, and have always gone for my usual yearly exams and I'm 99% sure this is nothing serious-- but DAMN!  This being a woman shit is seriously not for wimps.  WTH? Uterus???  I am not even using you!!!

Rant over.  For now.  Anyone else similarly afflicted?  Does it ever mellow-out???


Maery Rose said...

Frustrating to see something in your head that looks so cool there, but reality ends up somewhere else. Part of the process I imagine, as it's the same sometimes with the writerly ideas I get. However, I don't think it's as bad as you think. It looks like you're getting close to me.

It must be hard when you're really good at one thing, to have to switch it out. But exciting too. A new challenge. It will be good for you to get a rest break soon. I hope you don't mind, but I worry about you pushing it.

As for female functions, I had a period [of time] when I thought I was bleeding to death and it was awful. Especially bad when you're traveling and a guest at your brother's house. My experience lasted for about 6 months but wasn't as severe as what you describe. I hope you get answers (and relief) soon.

Nezzy said...

Shoot it all to thunder I wish I had menopausal help for ya. Heck, I'll be sixty next year and I just stopped my periods this past year.

Yep, I'd joke I'd be the only old lady in the home they'd have to order tampons for! Heeehehehe!

I did use a product that stopped all symptoms for a full year. No flashed, no sweats...nothin' for just over a year but baby, when it stopped workin'..it stopped. It was called Menopause Solutions, and was kinda pricy but what a wonderful year I had.

I have it in a post here: http://cowpattysurprise.blogspot.com/2009/10/ring-of-fire.html

Also, I have to tell ya I suffered from carpal tunnel and tendinitis. Yoga helped me get over both without surgery and helped me in many other ways too.

I started with a simple AM and PM yoga and advanced from there.

God bless and good luck sweetie. Yep, we gals got the back end of things as far as Mother Nature is concerned. 'Just sayin'.....

Anonymous said...

Had a very similar time of it when I was 40--after trying hormones, d & c, ultrasound--had a hysterectomy. Cleared it right up! lol --Krista

pseudosu said...

Maery-- I think it's better to have something in your head. I know what *good* looks like, just have to execute. Change is always something we are pushed into rather than going willingly, but you're right, it is sort of exciting too. I'm not dreading it.

Thanks for your thoughtful comments and suggestions. I'll def check them out. :) The thought of this going on until I'm 60 def makes me want to revisit the bear option tho. ;)

Krista- Thanks for weighing in. I guess this is pretty common, but you just don't hear about it that much. Hmmm, you mean everyone doesn't blab about their personal stuff all over the internet??? ~is puzzled~ (not really) ;)