Hey people. Behold, the fruits of my labor. Literally. This was the main ingredient in the ~broiled grapefruit~ I made for Christmas brunch. It was insanely good.
Another sort of fancy thing I made was ~clementine granita~, which is basically shaved ice, made from clementine juice. It was super nom. Took a while to juice a whole crate of clementines by hand, but it was really good.
Then Dan, who-- to be fair had been also working his butt off preparing for the holidays, and is only slightly more into it than me-- goes, "Yep, take all your little pictures because that's what we're all about; putting on a show."
The answer is if you're just doing that to be manipulative-- yeah, pretty much. But it's almost never that cut and dried. I could analyze stuff like this to death. Was I being a big phony? I still am not sure. I didn't hate it but I certainly didn't think it was *fun* either. I was happy to do it for them, but then again... (~loop of endless tormenting rumination~)
So anyway, Christmas brunch went great. My family had a nice time. We had fun playing cards and opening gifts after we ate and I really did like that part of it all.
But after it was still gnawing at me-- that comment about "putting on a big show", because preparing for guests or events at my house when I was a kid was seriously a nightmare, and I swore I'd never duplicate that in my adult life. Once, when the doorbell rang announcing the arrival of our first guest, my sister ceremoniously shouted, "Smiles everyone! Smiles!" like Mr. Roark on Fantasy Island. She got away with it because people were literally on our doorstep. It was hilarious, and extremely telling.
Later that night, too late to actually act on it, I had a great idea-- riding our bikes around on the quiet darkened streets of town looking at lights and just taking a beat, doing something *just us*.
Next year I'm going to still try to have a good attitude and all that, but also try to not lose myself and Dan so much in the process. It shouldn't feel like putting on a big show. It shouldn't be something I *manage to get through*.
Maybe by the time I'm 50 I'll figure all this crap out. Oh well. I had very little time to reflect on it because the very next day my sister and her kids hit town and it was Christmas Part Deux-- the sequel.
This also involved a trip to the north shore which will be the topic of my next post. How did you guys all fare?