Who is Sue and what is Suelandia?

Sunday, March 11, 2012

In disrepair

Hey people.  This is what it looked like after the snowstorm we got the first day I was in the hospital.  It was 2 weeks ago tomorrow that I went in.  (There is a deer in the background if you look close.)

I can't believe how much better I feel after less than 2 weeks.  Ray has gone back to occasionally laying somewhere besides on me.

Even the weather has drastically changed.  It's been in the 50's and even 60's the last few days.  Impromptu root beer colored ponds have appeared.

I'm glad to be healing, really, but I did have a bad night last night.  It was like I just slid back to where I was a few days ago without any reason.  I was uncomfortable enough that I couldn't sleep, and when I pressed on my injury area, these disgusting crackling bubbly sounds happened, like my layers are not adhered together yet.  It was super gross.  I began the day extremely unhappy. 

Here is my, "I may just lay down right here and perish, or else kill the next poor sap that wanders by" face.

I decided the only thing that would save me from myself today was some good music, and getting out in some woods and moving, even if at a slow mellow old lady pace.  I went to a local park with paved walking paths.  Not my usual mode.

But it was a sunny gorgeous day, and there were tons of people walking dogs etc, and I began to perk up almost immediately.  

You see, being outside moving around isn't just fun for me, it's my sanity drug.  I start whipping around inside when I can't get out and burn some crud away.  I try to stay upbeat, but begin to vacillate wildly between "Everything is amazing!" and "I suck completely.  I am broken beyond repair and should just stay away from everyone."

I know intellectually what's going on, but it still feels shitty.  Speaking of abnormal, I had a mini heart-attack when I saw this piece of grass that looked like a snake for a fraction of a second.

So I'm outside in the sunshine and feeling slowly restored.  It still sucks that I can't move how I want, but at least I'm outside.  Then I get to an unofficial trail cut in most likely by neighborhood kids.  Score.  I cannot resist exploring it. 

Hmm.  This doesn't look like you are supposed to go through here, but it is a Sunday, and clearly others have.  Yep.  Must be poached.

The park had a few of these little bypasses and back ways.  I found the secret bike jump park, a back lot of someone's property accessed though a rabbit trail offshoot, and the remains of an old fort like a giant teepee of dead trees.  I climbed around on a bunch of dead-fall, and walked all the way to the edge of the river and checked out the flow.

I climbed down this little icy trickle to a frozen stream feeding into the Mississippi.  There was a guy fly fishing down there.  I didn't want to intrude on his nature break so didn't get a pic.

Here's the stream.  Cool big rock huh?  I'd have missed all this if I'd have stayed on the pavement.

And look-- some kid (most likely) rode his bike back here, right into the stream bed, and probably got completely soaked and filthy.  You go kid.  This kind of made my heart soar.  

I was admittedly jealous of all the people riding bikes today, but it still made me happy to see them.

By the end I had on my, "I guess this is okay, for now" face. 

I'm trying.  Trying to be good and follow the doctor's orders.  Trying to maintain and not go flying all over like a tethered kite.  Trying to learn everything in my classes I began last week-- new stuff that is a little intimidating at first.  I have some really nice friends.  That helps a tremendous amount.  I don't deserve them, but am glad they are there.


Jill said...

Glad you are up and about. I know that after my surgery (hysterectomy..yay..) it felt so good just to get out and walk around. Your snow is beautiful and Ray is too cute!

pseudosu said...

Thanks Jill. Yeah, same here. Nice 6" or so incision. I think I got the field dressing a deer version. Being outside cheers me up at least, even if I can't quite get all the endorphins fired up. :)

Maery Rose said...

I am familiar with vacillating wildly. I ponder whether I'm bipolar at times. Maybe think of your slow walks as meditation. You are actually doing some ancient Asian quong do jo practice (I just made that up).

Heidi the Hick said...

You are okay! Hang in there. It's so hard when you start feeling better and want to get right back at it, and can't yet. But you know if you give it time you'll get back to where you need to be.

Fresh air and sunshine! And cats! The best medicine.