Hey people. Yeah, I'm still around. I've just been busy catching up on some stuff, and, to be honest, have been noticing I just feel different about some things now and have been taking stock a bit, reassessing. I used to blog ALL THE TIME (as some of you know). Now, not so much. I'm not even really interested in the same stuff, and don't ~feel~ how I did a couple years ago. That pent-up, spinning clockwork, capped hydrant energy has kind of dissipated, and it doesn't feel horrible and lifeless like I was worried it might if that ever went away. I'm not depressed or bored, just not climbing the walls anymore.
I went to the arboretum last week with my parents. They were having an orchid show. One thing that hasn't, and probably never will change, is that I am fascinated by nature. Recently I've become more interested than ever in natural color combinations-- especially bold or unexpected ones.
I love making things that interest me, are unique, and make me excited to be doing them. The act of making them is joyful. I love the feeling of having an idea no one's had before, and making it out of nothing, of creating things that people respond to and make me feel ~*charged*~ with that specific current. There is a commission I'm applying for right now that I've been pretty interested in getting. I'm competitive, and from a professional standpoint this would be very good for me, so I have been actively developing my ideas about it for several months now.
But now, something flipped the other day, some switch. I now want it BAD, like, this is what I want to spend the next 9 to 12 months of my time on-- making something so mind-blowingly, freaking COOL and amazing for these people, many of whom are only about 3' tall currently (for a school), that this has a good chance of being the coolest thing I ever have made or will make evarrrr.
Get it? I want to work for that release of passion. Not just because I have to make x-number of _____ (whatever) for my next show. So I'm going to concentrate on getting that, and making things for the galleries, and hopefully people will continue to support me and my art and it will all work out financially. I'm not going to think much about that end of it, and just make what fires me up.
Riding continues to loom large. I started a group to encourage women to get out there and ride, and to provide a way for women riders to link up and gain more riding buddies. So far it has been really fun. I'm riding more than ever and have more company than I've ever had. Also, I've been around enough now that whenever I show up at either of the trails I ride at, it's a given at least a few people will know me and say hi. That is a very nice feeling--- like I am welcome and thought of as a good egg I guess.
As far as my own riding goes-- I'm beginning to understand I'm not actually as crappy as I thought. I think because it is so challenging for me, and I've had to work pretty hard at it I assumed most people were just way better at it than me. Also, my trail pals, my good buds, are racers who completely annihilate, so, I ludicrously compare myself to them. But I am actually pretty okay at it, for someone like me. :)
I psychotically still try to improve my speed, even though I decided racing isn't for me. I'm still driven to try to keep improving all the time, skills and speed. This will be known as the spring I figured out how to use my inside knee.
Wow-- are you still reading?? Sorry this was so long. Some things never change huh? ;)