Who is Sue and what is Suelandia?

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Depicting pain

Hi Everyone,
This week's post is about pain and loss and making art that is true; that has your heart in it.

The connection between the feelings of an artist and their work seems to be a mystery for those who don't make art themselves.  As a human being, I am one giant living breathing processor of emotions; emotions that often feel like they are assaulting me.  We don't want to feel everything we do, do we?

The thing is, if you walk through the world with an open heart- it's going to get broken.  Probably a bunch of times.  I've had loss on my mind lately.  This time last year I began to watch my grandma, who I was very close to, slowly die.  I'd like to think I helped her with that process, but ultimately, it is something we all do alone, even if someone is right there holding your hand.  I also lost a pet, something many can relate to, and watched those around me dealing with various losses in their own lives.  There have been a couple of medical scares that resolved uneventfully, but made me confront my own mortality, and that of those I love.

I still have no idea, when the time comes, if life will be something that is torn from me, or that I will willingly release.  I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.  The inevitability of it confounds me when I really think hard about it though.

Sometimes the thing we're losing is a part of ourselves, or a dream of how we wanted our life to turn out, or our youth, or an important relationship.  It all sucks.  It all feels like being pecked to death by birds, slowly.  But--- the only alternative to feeling all this painful stuff, is to close off your heart, and build walls to keep all the feelings out.  I've done that in the past, and used to think it was a sign of strength.

Now I think differently.  I think it's braver to go through all the losses and changes life brings, feel the pain, but to not let it change you too much.  Perhaps you'll have more empathy, which is a good thing.

I think it is a far braver move to thrust your heart right out there and give life and the people around you all of yourself, knowing you are vulnerable to being hurt again--- and I believe you get more out of it too.  Stay a live nerve ending while you have the chance to.

I am a believer that the pendulum swings both directions.  Every experience expands your personal capacity.  Growth, people.

Anyway, in this video I describe how the sculpture I'm trying to make ties in to my personal feelings about loss.  This is something that has taken me a long time to realize; that people pick up on this in my work (when i do a good job)-- the emotional residue.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

T minus 4 months!!

Ohhhh Myyyyyy Ggggggosh you guys!!
I have exactly 4 months until the first one person show I've done in several years opens in June!  (And I feel SO fat right now.)  AND- I turn 50 in June too!!  

How, oh how, will I create piles and gobs of the most awesome artwork yet, lose 10 lbs, and become the kick ass woman I've always wanted to be by June??!

Here's me starting out:

I have always had this idea that I will get better and better somehow.  I keep working on myself, my life, my art, and have crafted this image in my head I have almost no hope of ever living up to.   Basically, when I grow up i want to be her--

And for this to be my biography--

Who am I kidding??  ~Sigh~

Believe me, the irony of trying to perfect the woman's face I'm creating when more and more my own reflection startles me,  isn't lost on me.
For the year ahead-- this will have to be my motto--
 And, as usual, this--

 This feels really personal.  I've written and deleted this part a whole bunch of times now.  Basically, I'm getting ready to take on some really ambitious challenges this year that I know will make me feel very inadequate at times.  I'm also facing some personal stuff that pretty much is scary and sucks, and will force me to be stronger than I've ever had to be.  I know at times I'll feel very alone, but also that I'm really not because everyone on Earth feels like that sometimes, so... we're all alone together sometimes I guess.

Keep getting better everyone.  We can do it!